Walking “in the Garden” with Him
Relationship.
The older I get, the more convinced I am that pursuing relationships should be the single most important driving force of our lives. First we seek to deepen our relationship with God, followed by making a priority of quality and quantity time with family and friends.
I hear you: You have a spouse and kids and a demanding job (note I didn’t describe the spouse and kids as demanding?!) and bills and a full calendar and…issues. All of those are screaming at you for time and attention. My point is that when we leave this world, we want to be positively changed, right? Changed in a meaningful way, which means becoming more Christ-like. When we pass from this world to the next, we can’t take anything with us….except the deep changes in our souls. So what should be the highest value and priority in the midst of all those screams? The relationships which change us: Christ changes us. Family members and friends in intimate relationship change us. The central question comes down to….what do you want to take with you?
Isn’t studying the Word more important? you might ask. It is important, but studying with only knowledge as our goal produces Pharisees. Studying with the motivation of deepening our relationship with God and others—and therefore, growing as Christians—is our ultimate goal.
What about praying? Retreat? Fasting—and all the other spiritual disciplines? Yes, they’re all important in differing ways, but they’re all about seeking God. Turns out, every spiritual discipline ultimately has that same goal at its very heart: A growing, real, intimate relationship with our Living God.
The end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 were times of intense pain for Craig and me. Our older son Robb died suddenly and unexpectedly, two days before Christmas. The fog and depression of my grief bogged down my writing skills, and my agent dropped me as a client, saying, “You’ll never write another book.” And then the final blow: Craig’s ministry at a university came to an end. Needless to say, I was devastated. Nearly paralyzed by the accumulation of pain, I asked God, “Are we done?”
Typing those words today still produces tears, the intensity of my sincere question still right before me. Did I really mean that? Was it truly an option that I considered? I doubt it, but I know I had to ask God that question because it was there, being whispered in my heart. And then I needed to say it out loud before I could feel a responding equally intense motivation: I would fight for my relationship with my God because where else would I turn? Where else could I possibly go?
Sometimes….sometimes we need to be Jacob. Was Jacob a conniver and annoying? Absolutely. But in the end, he wrestled—all night long—for relationship with his God.
The Intimacy of Walking with Him
In the decades before that time of slogging through such intense grief, I had fortunately put much Scripture to memory. It was the single most important tool that kept me from descending into a dark depression. I weave the Word into my prayers as I physically walk (around the neighborhood, along a path, up a small mountain—the “venue” has changed significantly over the years as we moved around the country). That’s the routine that I’ve discovered that best connects me to my God. That commitment keeps me grounded in him. Helps me see what he’s highlighting at that time, for whatever reason. And helps me heal…by restoring my soul…and propels me to seek him, again. The next day.
The mental image of Adam “walking in the garden with God” is my motivation. I’m seeking an intimate conversation that’s as open and real as I can be.
One of the passages I’ve put to memory is Psalm 62, and my walk with God might look like this:
“My soul finds rest in God alone” – I close my eyes a moment, seeking that center…that core of bedrock trust in the only immutable, omnipotent God.
“You alone are my rock and my salvation…” Reminders again of where I need to put my trust.
“My hope comes from him.” I need the constant reminders of the living hope we have in God. He has conquered death: he is alive…and my Robb is alive also! All security is based in this one living Truth.
“Pour out your hearts to him” – Could there be a clearer encouragement to share all of our concerns and struggles with him?
“Together [we] are only a breath” – A constant and needed reminder of my “importance” in this world.
“Though your riches increase, don’t set your heart on them” – Will I put my trust in the money in our bank account? Or will I ultimately see where I must put my trust, day after day, month after month, year after year?
“You, O God, are strong” – The reminder that he is God. He can do anything.
“And you, O Lord, are loving” – Everything he does—no matter how it may appear at the time—is ultimately for our good. Because he loves us. He loves me.
When I’m Struggling…or Just Spending Some Time with Him
*I mentally picture Jesus walking beside me. I had practiced this only a few times when I realized…I would be able to see the scars from the nails on his hands/wrists. What an instantly meaningful reminder that was to me—sobering, awe-inspiring, breathtaking. It changes your perspective, in a heartbeat.
*Prayer is comprised of praise, self-evaluation and repentance, supplication, conversation, celebration and worship. I don’t always include all of these, as sometimes I need to spend all my prayer time in supplication. Or intense self-scrutiny and repentance. Every day is unique—just as relationship building is different every day.
*If I’m obsessing or worrying or can’t concentrate….I repeat all of my memorized verses. One after another. If I still can’t concentrate, then I say them again.
*I’ve chosen the Scripture passages I’ve memorized because they speak to my needs and struggles. I urge you to find the passages that will help you. The investment of time and effort? Invaluable.
*I pray through mental lists too, and I’ve organized days for certain groups in those lists. And as prayer requests come to mind, I pray for those also. (I do have a written list of prayer requests, and I try to jot down requests from family/friends/others as they’re mentioned—or I will forget!)
*I read Scripture and journal before I walk. And I’m always amazed by the percentage of times the passage I’m working through speaks directly to whatever I’m struggling with or trying to work through. For example, this just happened: I’m reading through Exodus now, and have slogged a bit through chapters 28 and 29, the details about priests and their garments. Finishing up chapter 29, I wondered, “What can I possibly take from this today?” (Side note: I’m currently struggling with medical issues, the wrangling over trusting God that too often accompanies that.) And then I came to 42b and 43: “There I will meet you and speak to you…and the place will be consecrated to my glory.” With those powerful and meaningful words, I went out for a walk…to talk with and listen to my God.
Begin Here
Need a place to start? Repeat Psalm 23; you probably have that put to memory already, or at least most of it. If you can get past “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” without already hearing him speaking to you…then repeat those words again. And again.
Find the center core of life, and I shall not want can be the spark that begins to restore your soul.