Maybe Craig and I heard that statement just once too many times—a parent in a TV series or movie passionately repeating, “All every parent wants is for his or her children to be happy!”
No. Absolutely, no. That just doesn’t do it for us. And after hearing that plea—reading it in far too many books also—we felt compelled to respond. We both can honestly say that we have never prayed that specific request for either of our sons, for our grandchildren, or for any of our family members. (If that’s startling news to any of you who fit in that list, sorry; please keep reading for the explanation why!)
The alternative that we have prayed for? Joy. That’s a far different animal, a more meaningful prayer request, and the substitute we hope that—once you’ve read this newsletter—you’ll choose to pray for your children, grands and family.
First of all, definitions: Webster fails to provide a worthy description of the difference—in light of a true Christ Follower’s goals. Happiness is temporary, often illusive, superficial/shallow, and related to temporal situations. But joy? I’m going to quote from my first novel, Jordan’s Bend, as the theme of that story was the true nature of joy. As Granny Mandy, in her wise Southern dialect, explains godly joy to Rachael:
“Joy is a knowing down deep in your soul. A knowing that it don’t make no difference what be happening to me—whether it be pain or sorrow or terrible anger or anything and everything—nothing, nothing can be changing God’s love for me.” (p. 357)
Still Unconvinced? Here’s the Skinny
*Seeking happiness can distract you from what’s most meaningful in life. Pursuing joy directs us towards what’s most meaningful.
Some are convinced that getting an education to reach a certain social stratus will guarantee life-long happiness. But a “social level” is generally based on façades, pretense and disingenuous play-acting—ultimately leading to a hollow life.
The true joy of a genuine and meaningful life is found at every social and economic level, education, and race. These people have found their worth in God.
*Happiness is non-existent in the suffering and tough times of life; its shallowness won’t allow it to journey with you during the hard times. Joy goes through the suffering and tough times with you; it can’t be contained, having no boundaries.
In deep emotional, mental or physical pain? You’re not going to feel happy.
The deepest suffering life can bring, however, can be endured precisely because of the joy of knowing that God is always with me—and especially so when I’m hurting.
*Happiness can distract you from a genuine and deep relationship with God. Joy is the by-product of an intimate relationship with him.
Sometimes the goal I’m truly seeking through temporal happiness is relief from emotional pain. So I seek the distraction of a new thing, a new relationship, or new challenge. I might also reach for the temporary relief of unfaithfulness or sex outside of marriage; I might succumb to the addictions of gambling, porn, drinking, and drugs—anything that becomes my “master.”
Joy does not produce nor is it ever linked to a harmful activity to escape pain. Instead, joy is our anchor through pain and suffering.
*Happiness tends to be about me, fulfillment for me. Joy is based in God’s view of me—who I am and who I should be.
The pursuit of personal happiness can blind one to a self-centered lifestyle. Because personal happiness is about me and my perspective on my life.
The perspective of joy, however, is always ultimately God-centered. And then sometimes, that leads to sacrificially serving others. Ironically, some of the deepest joy can be found in personal sacrifice.
*Happiness seekers are often attracted to the distortions (by Satan) of what God originally made good. Joy seekers are attracted to what God made as good—to then be used as good.
Satan is a master at illusion, turning love to lust; desire to greed and jealousy; appetite to gluttony; pleasure to addiction. Too often, purely happiness seekers are blinded by these delusions and lies.
Joy seekers, however, are guided by God’s wisdom; they recognize the true gifts of God.
*Happiness is more focused on this world and focuses on stuff. Joy looks to eternity and how God can use our stuff.
Remember the popular bumper sticker? “He who dies with the most toys wins.” I’ve always wanted to ask those people, “And you think you get to take those with you?”
Joy knows that all the things we collect have essentially one purpose: To help us serve God and God’s people.
*Happiness produces no “tools” or helps to live the Christian life. Joy generates offensive and defensive “weapons.”
Because happiness is so often derived from what fun experiences and toys we can collect, we’re then taxed with protecting those things. We need money and space and time and insurance and energy to take care of all our stuff. All of that takes from us.
But joy…joy is a vital and powerful weapon against depression, anxiety, boredom, distraction, bitterness, seeking revenge….need I go on?
*Happiness-seeking motivations can lead us to make poor choices/decisions. Joy seekers tend to make decisions far more reaching than a temporary happy feeling.
Once again, this temporal goal of happiness—with motivations of personal gain—pushes us towards poor and unwise decisions and choices.
Joy ever nudges us towards God and what he desires for our lives. And the more we seek him and his will for us, guess what? The more joy we know. And that….that is a beautiful, God-created circle…
Pray for your children. But pray for them to know joy. We can readily admit they won’t always be happy, and life won’t be easy. But if they know the permanence of true joy….they’ll know their God is always there, with them.
And that, my friends, is worth praying for.